what will you say when you'll see my face?
by Lexie Grey
Summary: TOTALLY AU, but still follow what happened in the show! Give it a try please! I own nothing.
1. Chapter 1

She was packing her boxes. Richard Webber called her for a consult in the same hospital were her husband – ex husband, she corrected herself, was working too. Her eyes caught an old photographic album. She didn't remember it. Addison opened it and smiled a watery smile. 12 years had passed from the last photo that they took together. It was taken before he left for the Army. He wanted so badly to be a pilot. To be a hero. An year after, he went missing. His brother told her. 12 years without any news. He was the only friend that she had. He was her best friend. And probably the only one that she really loved.

xxx

_They had only 2 years of difference between them. She was the older one. A red haired little girl, stubborn and with the gift to always drive him crazy._

_He was a mouthful kid, and her bestfriend. They were neighbors. Alex's father was a drunkard, junkie man, always beating Alex's mother. Alex started to take care of his parents and little brother and sister when he was 7. Addison was the second daughter of a very rich and important doctor, the Captain. She was rich, he wasn't. She wanted to become a doctor, he wanted to become a pilot._

_They always fought a lot but they couldn't live without each other._

"_Brum….whoam. Hey Adds, wanna fly with me?"_

"_Alex, come down from up there. You can get hurt."_

"_Whatever, you can take care of me. Whoam." Alex was on a tree, pretending to fly. _

"_Alex." Addison whined, afraid that her 10 years old best friend could get hurt. _

"_You're a pain in the ass…" Alex growled coming down from the tree. _

"_You're an ass, Karev." She fired back. _

"_Fearful."_

"_Idiot." She turned her back at him. "Not that if you hit your head on the ground you're going to feel something stubborn as you are."_

"_Dude, did a snake bite you?" he smirked cocky and then grabbed her hand with his. "Do you wanna help me with my homework?" Alex asked her squizzing her hand. "Please?"_

"_C'mon, ace." She grinned at him and he grinned back._

"_Y'know, Monty, you can join the Army too. As a doctor." Alex smirked laying on the grass of Addison's garden. "And I can teach you how to fly. It's cool." He faced her grinning. At the end Addison did his homework while he was watching the tv. _

_He was 10, she was 12 years old._

Xxx

_Alex was hiding in Addison's room crying quietly. He wasn't at school that day. He stayed home 'cause his father was drunk since last night and he had to take care of everything. Alex was making a sandwich for his little sister when he heard her mother and father fought. He knew very well what's going to happen and he took his sister by the hand and the two of them left the house. His sister was laying on Addison's bed and he was on the floor, crying. Some minutes after, Addison entered her room. She noticed the two Karev and without say a word, she sat near Alex, taking his hands in hers. He cried quietly on her shoulder, not ashamed._

"_My bro is camping. Wanna sleep in his room?" she whispered in his ear. He simply nodded._

"_You're my bestfriend." Alex whispered back._

_He was 12 years old. She was 14._

Xxx

"_I hate him. Damn I hate him." Addison shouted. She was running from her dad's office after have understood that she was some kind of alibi for his random fuck. She didn't want to go home. She couldn't face her mother._

"_Alex." She shouted under his window. "Karev. Get your ass over here."_

"_Hey woman." He made his appearance in a perfect Romeo&Juliet's way. "Say please." He grinned, but then his grin faded when he saw the tears and her face angry._

"_What happened?" he jumped from the window, not caring that he could have broke his head._

"_Nothing."_

"_Liar. What happened?"_

"_The Captain."_

"_What the fuck he did to you?" he hissed worried. "Talk, Montgomery."_

"_I…saw him cheating on my mother." She swallowed but she looked at him with that fierce that he always envied her._

"_Come here." She grabbed her arm and pulled her into a hug. "I can kick his ass if you want." He whispered but she laughed and so he grinned._

_She was 16 years old, he was 14._

Xxx

_Alex came to her house right after his wrestling training. A lip swollen and bleeding. He slammed the door shut and Addison poked her head into the kitchen where he was now._

"_What the hell happened?" _

"_A dude punched the hell out of me. I hate him." She rolled her eyes and took some ice for his lips._

"_You should stop with this wrestling stuff." But he just shook his head._

"_Can't. And this is the last year. Next one I'm going to enlist. And waiting for you to send me a naked picture of yourself." He smirked and she slapped him. He laughed even more._

"_Don't wait for that. I'm not going to take naked pics for you, perv." Addison glared at him with a Satan look. Alex froze and swallowed. She then grinned satisfied._

_She was 17 years old and he was 15._

Xxx

_Alex was pacing nervous Addison's room, waiting for her to come back from her 'mother-daughter-shopping-for-the-prom'. He had paid all of his money to buy a suit. And now he was waiting for her to come back. When she opened the door he froze. _

"_Is everything okay, Alex?" he nodded and swallowed again._

"_I..uhm… come to the prom with me." She raised her eyebrows. He knew that she didn't like when someone tell her and not ask her those kind of things._

"_I mean..do you want to go to the prom with me? I know that I'm 2 years younger than you…but..Next year you'll be at college God knows where…And I won't miss the opportunity to go with someone that really cares to me." He rambled. An habit that he picked from her._

"_I'd like to, ace." She smiled blushing and he grinned._

_The night of the prom he picked her up with a limo that Archer, Addison's brother, rented for him._

"_You look beautiful." He murmured while they were dancing. Her chin on his shoulder. He was 15 years old but he was tall and big. _

"_Trust me, you're more beautiful than me." She smiled and hugged him tightly. "Yale accepted me. I'll leave this summer."_

"_Congratulations, babe." Alex kissed her cheek smiling but his eyes were watery. _

"_I still want you to fly with me, tough."_

_She laughed and caressed his cheek slowly. _

"_You're making me fly now, Alex." He smiled this time. Not cocky, but sweet. And Addison kissed him. "I love you, Alex. You're not only my best friend. And I think that you are smart enough to understand what I mean." She whispered, kissing him again._

"_Love you too, Monty." He nodded still smiling but then…he grabbed her ass with one hand and grinned. Addison slapped his chest and he laughed._

Xxx

"_C'mon. You'll leave for College tomorrow. We have to take a lot of pics so you can't forget my face." Alex smirked grabbing her waist from behind and hugging her tightly._

"_Oh trust me. With that grin, your face is unforgettable." Addison laughed but she didn't try to escape from his grip. _

"_I love you, Adds." He whispered kissing her neck softly._

"_You're such a sweetie. What happened to my cocky bestfriend?" she teased him but with a smile._

"_He became your boyfriend." He smirked kissing her cheek this time._

"_Yeah, he did." Addison nodded and turned to face him. Her arms around his neck and her hands were running through his hair. "I'll leave tomorrow." She whispered resting her forehead on his._

"_I know." Alex nodded. He took a deep breath and swallowed. "But you'll be back for the Thanksgiving, right?"_

"_Of course." She replied softly, pecking his lips. "Don't get yourself in trouble. Promise me."_

"_I'll try my best. I promise."_

"_Good. That's good." She nodded and kissed him. "I'm going to miss you so much."_

"_Fuck. Me too." He groaned and started to kiss her neck with more craving. Their breath unsteady. A little moan escaped from Addison's lips and she swallowed. _

"_You're trembling." He whispered against her skin. Addison simply nodded half-closing her eyes. He turned her on. And that scares her because she never felt like this. "If you don't want…stop me.." Alex made his way toward Addison's bed with her in his hug. She didn't reply. She just shook her head and took off his BonJovi's t-shirt. Her eyes became dark, her hands were running on his muscular chest. Her breath became more heavy and quick. She looked up at him and swallowed hard._

"_I..I never done this before…" she whispered, her face burning._

"_Do you wanna do it with me?" he lay her down, his lips closer to hers._

"_Yes. Yes, I want to." She whispered again and he smiled unbuttoning her shirt. His hands were trembling too. Even more when he left her only with her bra and her jeans. _

"_You're beautiful." She smiled, her face burning even more. Alex took off her jeans and did the same with his own too. _

_Addison quickly took a look to his body, swallowing when she saw how tight were his black boxer now. She shivered when he lay on top of her. They're underwear was on the floor some minutes later and he was attacking her body with his lips. _

"_There's no coming back..y'know, right?" he whispered against her entry before gave it a tentative lick. _

"_Oh God, Alex." Addison moaned loudly unconsciously spreading her legs even more for him. He grinned and made his way back on her body. His eyes on hers. _

"_It could hurt a little. Relax, babe.." Alex breathed on her lips, kissing her slowly. _

"_I'm relaxed." She grumbled._

"_No, you're not." He shook his head and tried to enter her with his index finger._

"_A..Alex.."_

"_See? You're not relaxed. You're having a dead grip on my finger. And…it's only my finger." Alex deadpanned and she slapped his arm._

"_I don't think that you're in the position to slap me. I have my finger in your…."_

"_Alex!" she said out loud, covering his mouth with her hand. _

"_Now you're relaxed." Alex said satisfied and with an huge grin. _

"_I don't know if I can stand this.." Addison swallowed. Alex simply smiled now._

"_We don't have to rush it. We can take our time." He guided himself toward, after have put on a condom, and pushed a little. "Does it hurt?"_

"_No, it's..it's..wow.." she breathed and Alex, slowly, entered her waiting for her body to adjust around him._

"_You okay?" Alex stroked her cheek and the moved his hand on her breast._

"_I'm perfect…" Addison half closed her eyes and locked them with his when he began to move in and out of her. "I love you, Alexander Michael Karev."_

"_Love you too, Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery." He kissed her hungry, speeding up a little more his tempo. Alex felt her shiver in his arms and several minutes later he felt her body massaging his. _

"_I…" she gasped and let herself gave everything to him, moaning._

"_Me too.." he replied smiling, coming right after her._

"_That was..amazing.." she was breathing heavily and Alex withdrew himself from her, laying next to her and taking her in his arms._

"_Yeah, it freaking was." He grinned and Addison curled against him. Her cheek on his chest._

"_Where did you learn those things?" she looked up at him with an eyebrow raised._

"_I'm not answering…"_

"_Alex." She demanded in that Satan way that always scares the hell out of him._

"_I…I watched a lot of those movies…y'know.." he confessed blushing._

"_Perv." She laughed kissing him and then she resumed her position on her chest._

"_You're tired?" Alex asked and she simply nodded. "Sleep, babe. I'll be here when you'll wake up."_

"_Promise?"_

"_Promise."_

_She was 18 years old, he was 16._

Xxx

Addison sighed sitting on her seat on the plane to Seattle. She asked for something strong to drink. The steward brought her the drink and she thanked him.

She didn't know what she was going to do to have her husband back. To make things right with him. She just…Couldn't let Derek walk away from everything, their life, their marriage, her.

When she entered the Seattle Grace sliding doors with that fierce that everyone envied her , she saw something that broke her inside but that made her look like the class woman that was since she became the world class surgeon, double certified OB/GYN Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd.

She walked toward the couple that made her grew evil inside in that moment. That Satan woman that always scared the hell out of everyone who crossed her way.

"Addison…What are you doing here?" Derek asked her with an annoyed look on his face.

"You would have know if you bothered to return anyone of my phone calls." Addison raised one of her perfect eyebrows. She was pissed off royally. Seeing her husband with that 12 years old made her blood boil. "Hi, I'm Addison Shepherd." Addison presented herself to this woman.

"Shepherd..?" The 12 years old replied confused.

"And you must be the woman who's been screwing my husband."

_**Review please! It means a lot to me! **___


	2. Chapter 2

**I**** have to make a correction: they didn't saw each other since almost 20 years and not only 12. I've made a mistake writing it. :-)**

**This chapter is for take a look on what happened to Alex. I wanted to gave them a sort of interaction without make them talk because I want that they'll have a chance to see how they're changed. How Addison became "Satan" and how Alex became "Evil Spawn."**

**I hope that you'll like it! Let me know. :-)**

"Let me see it." Izzie demanded him, speaking about his dark eye that George gave him. "No laceration, it's a little swollen. George really knocked you down."

"He's a light weight. I could have knocked him down too." Alex smirked, putting some ice on his eye.

"Seriously? Why you didn't?"

"Are you kidding? I want to be a plastic surgeon. I can't afford to ruin these babies." He kissed his left hand while he was checking his face in the mirror. "Definitely not for someone like O'Malley."

"You deserved it." She said in a matter – of – fact, opening the on-call room door.

"That dude punches like my sister." He said leaving the room from the other door.

"So…a girl knocked you down." She smiled.

He simply looked at her with an annoyed smile and then left the room.

Alex made his way for the pit but he then stopped, overhearing Dr. Shepherd talking to someone that, surprise, wasn't Grey. He was already pissed for how bad was his eye, no way that he wanted to let his boss see him like that. He wasn't in the mood for some scolding. So he waited, hiding in the corner, so no one could see him and he couldn't see anyone.

"What are you doing here?" Alex heard Dr. Shepherd says.

"Your hairs are different." The woman replied.

"A lot of things are different."

"They're longer, I like it. It's very Russell Crowe."

"What are you doing here?" Derek raised a little his voice.

"What are you doing here? You just pick up and leave everything? Your house, your practice, your friends? You had a life in Manhattan." Alex was listening with more interest. That woman was from New York too. Just like him. He shook his head, not really wanting to think back on that time of his life.

"Had." Derek said coldly.

"And now you have a girlfriend in Seattle." Alex noticed the hurt in that woman's voice. But also noticed that she didn't make a scene like a lot of chicks do. Addison swallowed and then raised an eyebrow. "She seems..." she pretended to think about it… "..Sweet."

"She's young." She raised her voice because Derek was leaving.

"Are you here to try to have me back?"

"I am. I flied all across the country to make you look at our wedding photos, get drunk, fall on the bed and make you realize that you can't live without me. Relax, Derek. I'm here for work. I'm on the TTTS case that has been admitted last night, and Richard…"

"Richard knew that you were coming?"

"He didn't tell you?"

"No, he didn't."

"Oh..surprise." Her tone was sarcastic. "The hair…you know that I always had a thing for Russell Crowe…" she whispered against Derek's ear, but loud enough for Alex to listen it. And then she left. Alex didn't hear her voice again so he poked his head from the corner and saw Derek's stand alone. Trying to forget what he just heard, finally he made his way to the pit.

"Dude, problems are coming." He thought amused.

Xxx

"_This is the last box, babe." Alex said carrying the last one of Addison's boxes inside her College room. _

"_Shoes." She read on the box. "Can you please take it over there?"_

"_Yes, ma'am." He smirked and did what she asked. "So…" he cleared his voice, feeling his heart heavy._

"_You have to go, right?" Addison asked grabbing his hands._

"_Yeah..I.. I…" Alex swallowed and then took a deep breath._

"_I miss you already, honey." She threw herself in his arms and he hugged her tightly. _

"_Me too, babe. Me too." He whispered kissing her ear. "Me too."_

_Addison felt her cheek wet and not only for her tears. She whipped Alex's eyes with her thumbs and managed a smile._

"_I hate see you cry, Alex." She kissed him._

"_Same here, babe. I don't want to see you cry. It hurts here." He grabbed her hand and rested it on his heart. And then he kissed her slowly. He wanted to make that kiss go on forever._

"_I'll phone you when I'm home." Alex whispered against her lips. "I promise." She nodded._

"_I can't wait." She managed to say with a lump in her throat. "Stay away from problems. Please, Alex."_

"_I'll try. I will." He nodded and kissed her again. "I love you, Adds. I love you so much."_

"_I love you too, Alex." She hugged him, not able to let him go and he laughed softly, kissing her temple._

"_I'll talk to you soon. Kick ass, babe." Alex kissed her once again. "Bye, babe."_

"_Bye, honey." She whispered and he left the room. _

Xxx

_Alex was back after an year since he joined the Army. Addison, though, was still at Yale for her lessons. He told the cab to stop in front of his house. He paid the man and then walked to the front door. Listening a lot of yelling coming from his house, he stopped. He was about to turn his back, calling another cab and run away from there when a voice snapped him. His sister was crying loudly, so he opened the door. Alex was shocked. They parents were fighting and, as always, his father was beating his mom. He couldn't stand it anymore. His mind went blank and the next thing that he did was beating the crap out of his dad. Alex was furious. Full of angry._

"_How's when someone beat the crap out you?" Alex snarled an inch away from his father's face. His father left the house and no one saw him again._

Xxx

_Alex left the Army the next day. H__is family needed him and his mother's situation got worse. _

"_My father wants to see you." Archer knocked on Alex's room door._

"_There's something wrong with Addison?" Alex asked ready to leave. Addison asked him to stay with her for the night. She didn't know what happened between Alex and his father._

"_Sort of. The Captain is asking you to not see her again."_

"_What…why?" Alex stammered._

"_He knew what you did to your father. He has some concerns."_

"_He thinks that I'm going to hurt Addison." He said angry._

"_Yeah. He doesn't want that you see her again. He send your brother to tell her that you went missing during a drill." Archer looked away from Alex that remained silent._

"_The Captain talked to some doctors, your mother is admitted in a nursing home in Iowa." Archer handed him some documents._

"_I'm not by his side. I love my sister and I want her to be happy. With you she's happy."_

_Again Alex remained silent, staring back at Archer._

"_What I'm going to do now?" Alex hissed moments later._

"_I can help you. I can pay you the College, and you can build a decent future. You can repay me when you have the money."_

"_Can you pay me the Med School too?" Alex asked surprising himself._

"_But you have to promise me that you'll not see Addison again. The Captain's orders."_

"_I promise. Whatever. She'll think that I'm dead thanks to your father."_

"_I'm sorry."_

"_I couldn't even say her goodbye." Alex looked away and Archer saw his cheeks wet._

Xxx

_They move to Iowa. Alex wasn't the same again. He worked some years to make sure that his family could make it without him and then he left for College. His internship at Seattle Grace Hospital began two months before Addison Forbes Montgomery came too._

Xxx

"You're eating while you're watching a surgery?" Alex smirked to Izzie, making his appearance in the gallery. "And you call me insensible." He sat down next to her.

"It's not a snack, it's my lunch."

"Whatever…so she's the She-Shepherd?" he nodded toward Addison that was operating with Meredith.

"You heard?" Izzie asked surprised.

"Yeah..I overheard she and Shepherd talk last night. He left her." Alex shrugged, smiling cocky. "She's hot. How can you dump someone like her and screw someone like Meredith? It means no sense to me."

"Doesn't it suck? Wake up in the morning and realize that nobody likes you? That you're an ass even with your friends?"

"Oh.. Yeah..that hurts me so much." He laughed sarcastically. "Plus since when you're my friends?" Alex smirked and Izzie ignored him going back to watch the surgery.

"And how you can tell that she's hot? You can't see her."

"I have a radar for the hot chicks." Alex smirked.

Xxx

"_Woah Adds. Put that knife down. I'm not going to play doctor with you if you have a real freaking knife." Alex said panicked._

"_Coward." She mumbled, putting down the knife._

"_Crazy woman. If a 15 years old can be called a woman…" he smirked cockily. _

"_Do you realize that you're really an ass?"_

"_Whatever, you like me anyway."_

"_Only because you're my best friend."_

"_But you like me." He grinned and that made her more annoyed._

"_I do. Whatever, don't flatter yourself now." She growled and he laughed out loud._

Xxx

Alex was walking while he was reading some charts when he saw Meredith standing near her patient's door.

"She's in there?" he whispered, wanting to see the She-Shepherd.

"Yeah.." Meredith sighed exhausted.

"Dr Shepherd can you please put your intern out of my case? She reminds me of my husband dirty mistress. You know what I mean." The patient asked to Addison.

"No…" Addison spoke slowly. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"She's sleeping with your husband."

"Let me get this clear. My husband didn't cheat on me, I cheated on him. You owe to Dr. Grey an hell of apology." Addison swallowed, without lose her fierce and left the room, crashing right in Alex.

"Sorry.." he mumbled not looking away from his charts, but she didn't even noticed him and walked away.

"Dude, she has ball." Alex smirked looking at Meredith.

"She's like Satan."

"Hell, yes. She is." He laughed walking away too.

Xxx

**Thank you guys for all the reviews! I love know what you think about my work!**


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm doing a little recap. Alex and Addison have 2 years of difference between them. When Alex's brother told Addison about the fake Alex's death she was 19 years old. Alex left New York with his mother, his brother and sister some weeks after Alex's father left them. They moved to Iowa and Alex left the Army too. Alex went to College after he worked some years, that's why is a 37 years old intern. He's at his first year as an intern. The other story line are the same as in the show. Only Alex is older.**

The elevator was crowded that morning. Alex was leaning against the wall reading a newspaper. He was near the second door, Meredith stepped inside with Shepherd and the Chief. Alex shook his head with a sarcastic smirk. He disliked so much Derek. And the funny thing is that he didn't know why.

"What are you doing here, Richard?"

"I'm going back to work." The Chief replied.

"You're not cleared for surgery."

"Leave me alone. I've been sitting home for a week. Watching Oprah give away things on TV. Oprah, Derek. You clear me now or I'll hurt you."

"You should've thought about me clearing you before you gave Chief to Burke and invited Satan to Seattle."

"Satan?"

"Good morning. Richard, I like the hat." Addison stepped inside the elevator, brushing her arm against Alex's. The elevator now was less crowded. Addison, Richard, Meredith and Derek were giving Alex their backs. Alex eyes were studying Addison. "Nice ass." He thought with a smirk.

"Satan speaks." Derek smirked.

"Actually I prefer to be called Ruler of all that is evil, but I will answer to Satan." Addison smirked too, but more annoyed than her husband.

"Why is she still here?" Derek asked to Richard, clearly not happy and comfortable with Addison behind him.

"I asked her to stay. We have a pediatric surgery attending on maternity leave."

"Actually, I could use you on a consult. Will you meet me up, there, Derek?"

"Yeah. Fine."

"See you, Richard." Both Addison and Derek said when Dr. Webber left the elevator. Addison's phone was ringing so she picked up the call.

"Skipping rounds? Derek asked Meredith. Derek, Meredith, Addison and Alex were now the only one in that elevator.

"Avoiding mother, she has being admitted this morning." Meredith shrugged, acting like she didn't care.

"Meredith…"

"You've got a wife." She whispered, nodding towards Addison still on the phone.

"Yes."

"You're life is complicated."

"Yes."

"I don't need that. I have complicated all on my own."

"Yes."

"Stop saying yes."

"I'm trying not to make any sudden movements."

"You think this is funny?"

"Addison's leaving. She has no more patients here. There's no reason to be here." Derek whispered, with a satisfied smile. Alex's eyes snapped to his boss. He felt his face burning when he took a quick look to the red woman with the nice ass. Alex swallowed. In front of him was Addison. His Addison. His breath was more quickly now.

"No reason?" Meredith asked skeptical.

"None whatsoever."

"Well now, isn't this cosy? Can I join in or are you not into threesomes?" Addison asked, after have ended the call.

"I have to go." Meredith sighed and left the elevator as quickly as she could.

"Meredith.." Derek tried to stop her but she was already gone, so he turned to Addison. "You really are Satan. Your realize that, right? If Satan were to take physical form, he'd be you. Everywhere, all the time."

"I am so not Satan." Addison sighed exhausted.

"Why haven't you gotten on your broomstick and left?"

"Stop being petty." She fired.

"Addison, stop being an adulterous bitch." Derek fired back. Alex gritted his teeth. He couldn't believe it. She wasn't his Addison anymore. Yes, she has always been a smartass but the mouthful one was him. He never heard her speaking like that. And what hurt him more is the way Derek was talking to her.

"You are going to forgive me eventually? You can't just… There was a time you thought of me as your best friend?"

"There was a time when I thought you were the love of my life. Things change." In the meanwhile Addison handed him some documents. "Divorce papers."

"The lawyer said they're ok. I haven't signed them yet. The ball's in your court. If you sign, I'll sign. I'll sign and be on the first plane out of here."

"I'll sign them immediately. I want you out here as soon as possible."

"Derek, have you ever thought that, even if I am Satan and an adulterous bitch that I still might be the love of your life?" Derek looked at her in a weird way, like he was thinking about it. And then he left. Now Alex and Addison were the only one in the elevator.

"There was a time when I thought of you as my best friend and the love of my life too. I have to say that thing is changed too." Alex said in a rough and irritated voice. He wasn't angry at her, he was angry at himself and at Addison's father. She moved on. She got married thinking that he was missing, maybe dead. He wasn't able to do relationships. He hadn't a relationship after Addison, only random fuck.

Addison froze. She recognized that voice. She didn't hear that voice in almost 20 years. She thought that voice was death.

Addison slowly turned to face him, her heart was beating fast. She was pale, ready to pass out.

"I'm going crazy." She laughed hysterically. "I'm alone in an elevator, talking to a ghost. This situation with my husband made me go crazy."

"I wish that I'm a ghost, Adds." Alex was looking at her with his jaws clenched.

"No, no, no. You're dead. You're…your brother told me." She was hysterical.

"I wish. I would prefer to be dead instead of see you and Dr. Shepherd talk like that." He growled, biting every words.

"I'm alive. I'm alive, Addison. I really am in front of you." Alex grabbed her hand and rested it on his heart. "I'm alive." He repeated and Addison was staring at him. She then slapped him. So hard that her hand hurts. He swallowed, putting his hand on his cheek now red for the slap.

"You left me. You left me like a freaking coward. You send your brother to tell me that you went missing. 20 years spent waiting for you. Trying to convince myself that you couldn't be dead. You don't even know what my life was after your brother told me. You don't know how my life became."

"You and your husband have just gave me a pretty good recap. So you became a bitch? Someone that screw an other man while she's married?" Alex smirked annoying and she slapped him again. More hard and angry this time. It wasn't his fault. He was full of angry. He carried his angry for 20 years and now he couldn't stop it.

"I loved you every day. Every freaking day of my life I loved you." Now she was again Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd. Double certified surgeon and OB/GYN. She wasn't Alex's Adds anymore. "But now I hate you. I've been disappointed in my life, but never like I am now. I have cheated on Derek.." she said angry, and Alex thought that she really was Satan in that moment. "I regret it the moments later, and now I regret the day that I fell in love with you."

She was an inch away from his face and he cut her of kissing her. Alex crushed his lips on hers, pinning her against the elevator wall, hiding the hurt that came from her words. She tasted the same. Addison almost gave up but then she pushed him slapping him for the third time.

"Stay the hell away from me." She said to him with her voice raised. The elevator reached her floor and she left it without looking back at him.

Xxx

_There was a knock on her door. She quickly went to open it thinking that it was Alex. She was waiting for him. They planned that night a week ago..When she opened the door, she raised her eyebrows seeing Alex's brother instead of Alex._

"_I..have to tell you something." He began slowly, going inside her room. "Alex..Alex is not coming."_

"_He could have called me.." Addison sighed, her heart dropped to her feet._

"_He can't call you anymore. Addison, it's better if you sit down."_

"_What are you saying? Just say what you have to say, please."_

"_He went missing during a drill. There are small chances that he's alive." He faked some tears, just to be more persuasive. _

_Everything went dark to Addison. She couldn't breath, speak, her world was spinning so fast that she was feeling sick. She felt Alex's brother's arms taking her and he carried her on the bed. He stayed there with her the whole night. She didn't sleep. She cried the whole night and he could feel her pain too. When he asked her how she was feeling she simply shook her head and for a month she didn't speak to anyone. Even to her brother._

"_Is this sit taken?" a very good looking guy, with fabulous dark hair asked her in the cafeteria. She shook her head and he sat down with his friend._

"_I'm Derek, by the way." He introduced and himself and then his friend. "And he's Mark."_

"_Addison Adr..Just Addison." Addison Adrienne was Alex's girlfriend. And Alex wasn't there anymore._

"_So just Addison." Derek smiled and Mark grinned amused by his friend's behavior. _

"_We saw you in some classes, we can study together you know. You're always alone.."_

"_Yeah, whatever, we can study together." She simply smiled. But that wasn't her smile, was a sad one._

_Everything was dead in her with Alex. She felt in love with Derek, that was true. She let him fall for her too. They began to be inseparable but that wasn't the same like it was with Alex. She loved Derek, she really loved him, and he loved her back. She really thought that he was the love of her life, she meant it. And the same was for Derek…but their put so much in their career that they stop to look at each other like they always did. They became lazy, they didn't fight anymore. Derek didn't see her anymore. They were married, they lived together, but Addison felt a lot of distance between her and her husband. In those days she let herself think back to Alex, to how things were different with him. He always put her in the first place. And she did the same. She missed him. Always. Addison 'transformed' Derek in what Alex was for her: bestfriend, boyfriend. And then husband._

Xxx

"Alex I need help here." Izzie yelled him when he stepped inside the pit. "They're pregnant, we need to call the OB/GYN quickly."

He didn't reply, just nodded. Izzie began to suture her patient. Alex waited there reading to the patients' charts, not really focusing on them. He was thinking to Addison and how bad he talked to her. He was in shock too just like her.

"Alex, call the She-Shepherd now." She repeated when Alex didn't move.

"Going. Hey nurse, call dr Montgomery-Shepherd freaking now." Alex growled toward the nurses' station.

"We have to move you, don't worry you're in very good hands." Izzie was speaking to her patient while Alex's patient, pregnant as well, rose from her stretcher.

"Where are you bring her?" she was following Izzie.

"Ma'am you can't leave the pit." Alex following them too but he thought that he could runs some ob/gyn exams on his patient.

"Karev what are you doing? Why your patient is running in the hallways?" Addison yelled at him.

"She was following her friend, I thought that.."

"You thought what? It's irresponsible." She snapped at him.

"I THOUGHT THAT I COULD RUN SOME EXAMS ON HER TOO." He yelled back angry. Everyone stared at them. Dr Bailey too, and could tell that she was angry like hell.

"Sorry." He mumbled to Addison, who was livid.

"I once was your bestfriend, your girlfriend. But now I'm your boss, that you like it or not. You don't get to talk me like that. Is that clear?" Alex simply nodded, staring back at her.

"Is that clear, Karev?"

"Yes, Dr Montgomery."

"It's Montgomery-Shepherd, Karev."

"For me it'll be always Montgomery, the Montgomery-Shepherd is a bitch that cheats on her husband." He whispered, raising an eyebrow. Addison was fuming with anger. "How Addison Adrienne became a whore? How that happened?"

"You're a doctor, how that happened? Especially when I was the one who always helped you study because you were so lazy to do your homework? What about the Army? You were so lazy that you left your dream too?" she fired back , whispering, and walked away.

"I don't know what's going on between the two of you, but you can't yell at your boss." Dr. Miranda Bailey hit him with her charts. "Am I clear?"

"Yes, Dr. Bailey."

"You know what? The best punishment that I could give you is put you on Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd's service. So..Have fun."

"Fuck, this is a nightmare." Alex hissed after left.

Xxx

**Thank you so much for the reviews! I hope that you enjoyed this chapter too! Maybe I'll post a new one later! :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**So happy that you guys enjoied the last chapter! It hurt me a lot wrote it but I think that it was the right way how ther react. Addison is having a lot of problems with her marriage, she found Derek with Meredith, and then Alex..she thought that he was dead and he isn't. She thinks that he abandoned her, that he didn't want her anymore. She was hurt like hell when Alex's brother told her that Alex was dead, so I think that she has every right to be angry at him. Talking about Alex, he has a lot on his shoulders too. He beat his father and he knows that it is his fault if his father left. Alex hates The Captain for what he did to him and Addison and plus he hates himself for how much he did hurt Addison in the past and now with his behaviour. He's disappointed to see how Addison is changed and blames himself for this, plus he's angry with Derek for how he treats Addison. He just wants to go back in the past and react different!**

**Btw, I hope that I made clear why they reacted in that way. Enjoy this new chapter! And don't forget to let me know what you think about it. (And if you want, about my rant.)**

xxx

"So what's your story?" Alex's patient asked him the day after, while he was checking on her. Addison was in the room too. They ignored each other since he yelled at her.

"Excuse me?" he mumbled not looking away from the chart that he was writing.

"What's your story? You walk like a zombie. You don't speak to anyone.. It's pretty strange.."

"I'm not a chatty person. I hate chatty person. Why don't you tell what's your story? Pregnancy aside. You have a lot of bruises.."

"This could be cold." Addison interrupted them, putting some gel on the patient's belly to take an eco.

The patient nodded and then she returned her attentions to Alex. "My dad beats me." He snapped his eyes on hers, stiffening.

"What?" he hissed and Addison looked at him. In that moment all her angry gone away. Only in that moment.

"Have you told that to someone?" Alex asked her, checking her more carefully.

"My mom knows. He beats her too. I didn't tell anyone..but I've hit my head and it still hurts."

"Call Dr. Shepherd." Addison told to the nurse and then read the patient's charts. Some minutes later Derek was there with his intern. Alex was surprised that was Izzie instead of Meredith.

"She told me that she hit her head." He told Derek and then let the neurosurgeon take a look. "We need to take some scans."

"Wait, wait, please. Alex, what I have to do?"

"You have to go with Dr Stevens and Dr Shepherd to run some tests.."

"No." she interrupted him. "I saw the face that you did before. It's the same face that I do when someone talk to me about my father and family. What do I have to do?"

Alex sighed. That was something that he doesn't do. Give advice to people. It's so not a Karev's thing. But he sat on the bed near her, not caring about the people in the room. Addison never looked away from him.

"Do you wanna know my story?" Alex asked to his patient. She simply nodded. "My father was a drunkard, junkie man. He was something close a guitarist, but he had more feelings with alcohol and drugs than he had with music. My mom always had some mental problems. I started to take care of my parents, my little sis and brother when I was 7."

"Without help?"

"My best friend always helped me." Alex nodded, not looking at Addison tough. Addison, on the other side, wasn't able to look away from him. "I was in the Army. After an year I came back. I was living in New York. When I came back I've found my sister cry hysterically, my father was beating my mother more hard than usual. I couldn't stand it anymore. I beat the crap out of him. In high school I was a wrestler. I became a wrestler because I wanted to protect my mother. My sister. My brother. So that day I beat him. He left us that day and we never heard from him again." He smiled sadly and Addison heart sank. That was the first time that she heard that story.

"What did you do then?" The patient asked.

"I regret it. He was still my dad, you know. And I've lost the most important person in my life. I've lost my girlfriend. Her father knew about what I did and told me to not see my girlfriend again. He thought that I was going to hurt her like I did with my dad." Alex rose from the bed, avoiding every look that the others were giving him.

"So I left for Iowa. I worked some years to help my mother, to pay every debts that my father had. To pay every debts that I had with my girlfriend's family 'cause they paid me College and paid my mother's care." He was now prepping her, still speaking.

"I regret it. Every day I regret it. Even more knowing that my ex girlfriend, that was my best friend too, hate me."

"How do you know that?"

"Cause she's in this room. And she told me."

Derek and the patient looked at Izzie. Alex noticed and smirked.

"Not the blonde one. The red head." Everyone in the room froze.

"Are you kidding?" Derek asked him in disbelief.

"It was before you met her, so no need to treat her bad again." Alex told Derek, almost threatening.

"What I want to say is that there are options. Talk to your mother, ask her to tell everything to the cops. Do the right thing. I did the wrong one and I'm paying it even if this happened 20 years ago." Alex nodded and left the room.

"Sorry.." Addison excused herself and followed him, grabbing him by the arm.

"Why you didn't tell me?"

"Weren't you listen? Your father told me to not see you again. They paid me everything, but I couldn't see you again."

"Why didn't you fight? Why did you give up on me? On us?"

"I needed money, Addison. I needed money for my family and for my mother. My father left us and I had to leave the Army to take care of them. Don't make me the selfish one."

"I'm not saying that you're selfish, Alex." She hissed.

"Whatever you say, Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd." Alex replied since Dr. Bailey was looking at them.

"I'm just sorry that your husband was there."

"Oh you're sorry that my husband was there? What about the other intern? What about the patient? You didn't think about tell me all of this alone? It was really necessary that the whole hospital knew about our past?"

"Izzie and your husband are not the whole hospital." Alex smirked and Addison noticed that they were attracting a lot of people's attentions. She had to do something to end this conversation for the moment.

"Go back in the room and finish to prep the patient."

"We're having a conversation here.."

"Dr. Karev." Addison cut him off.

"No offense, but honestly I don't do vagina. Not as a doctor anyway." He smirked cocky. In the past she would have slap him playful and call him 'Perv.' But now she raised her hand in front of him, while the other one was on her hip.

"Dr. Karev, I may be a board certified OB/GYN, but I also have fellowships in Maternal-Fetal medicine and Medical Genetics and am one of the foremost neonatal surgeons in this country. When you can top that, you can mouth off. Until then, you will do your job and you will do it right. Which at this point in time means you keep your mouth shut unless I give you permission to open it. Understood?"

Alex was silent, staring at her.

"Understood?" she asked again.

"Oh are you giving me permission now?" Alex asked her arrogant.

"Just go in that damn room." Addison snarled at him pointing to the room.

"There was a time when you found this funny." He mumbled walking away slowly from her.

"There was a time when you always told me everything." She fired back with hurt in her voice.

Xxx

"The whole hospital is talking." Derek muttered while he was checking on a newborn.

"Whatever, they were talking anyway. I'm your wife, remember?" Addison shrugged playing with the newborn's hands.

"Ex-wife." He pointed.

"We're not divorced yet. And we can have counseling."

"We've had adultery. That was enough."

"I'm trying to talk, Derek. I'm trying to fix what I did." She was on the verge of tears. She had enough in these days. Alex stepped inside the room but remained silence, listening to what Derek and Addison were saying.

"I've messed up, Derek. People mess up. You didn't talk to me anymore. We became lazy and more focused on our career. We didn't even fight anymore Derek. And I missed you. People do desperate things to get someone attentions again. But there are two sides to every story. Mark was there and I missed you and now I'm sorry. I'm more sorry than you could possibly imagine, but at least I'm talking to you about it."

"That's what you were thinking when you were screwing my best friend?"

At these words, Alex did his best to not knock down Derek.

"No. In that moment I wasn't thinking at all, I was scratching an itch." Addison hissed angry but also defeated. Alex smirked at the smartass reply.

"You know..there are three options, Derek. Option one, I go home. End of the story. Option two, I could apologize, you could forgive me, come home, but you could still bring it up to use against me whenever we argue."

"Are you trying to be funny?"

"Satan has sense of humor." Addison smiled, and Alex felt sick. He felt jealous, and he didn't like how Addison was humiliating herself to have that ass back.

"Is there a third option?" Derek asked her.

"I don't know what the third option is. I just know I still love you." Addison kissed her husband, slowly and Derek kissed her back. Alex couldn't tear his eyes off the couple. And he hated it.

"What about Karev?" Derek asked after the kiss.

"What about him?"

"He was important for you. He was the one for whom you always cried at College, and even after. I was there, Addison. And now you both are here."

"He's the past." But Addison didn't sound so convinced and both Alex and Derek noticed it.

"I'm not moving back to Manhattan. I'm not the same person I was in Manhattan."

"I know, I get it. So I have to pick up everything and move here." Addison nodded. Alex felt something warm inside of him.

"You need to know something to make this marriage work, ok?" Derek sighed and finally he looked at Addison. "I'm not saying this to hurt you, or because I don't want try again, because I don't. Meredith wasn't a fling. She wasn't revenge. I fell in love with her. And it's not going away soon only because I decided to stay with you." Then he left, exchanging a look with Alex. Addison followed Derek with her eyes and only in that moment she saw Alex.

"What are you doing here, Karev?"

"I'm Karev for you? Not Alex?"

"We're working. At work you're Karev and I'm Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd."

"Yeah, I get it. Here's the result of the labs." He handed her the paperworks. "So, you're not leaving?"

"Disappointed Karev?"

"It doesn't matter what I think." He shrugged. "I just don't recognize you anymore." He crossed his arms over his chest.

"I don't recognize you either. People change." Addison said in a matter-of-fact reading the results.

"The Addison that I know wasn't bitchy like that."

"Neither the Alex that I know."

"Where's she?"

"She died with you. She died the moment that you're brother told me that it was possible that you were dead. She died when then he told me that you were dead." They stared at each other without talk again.

Xxx

"_Hi, I'm Alex." A 5 years old kid with a missing tooth introduced himself to a 7 years old red haired girl._

"_Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery." She replied softly and polite._

"_Dude, how many names do you have? What are you? A princess?" he grinned and she rolled her eyes. "What are you doing, Addison?"_

"_Reading." She gave him the book that she was reading. "Do you want to read it?"_

"_I can't read." He shrugged but he blushed too and gave her back the book._

"_I can read it for you. I like read for my friends." Addison smiled and tapped the ground to tell him to sit down near her. "Do you want to?"_

"_Yeah. I'd like too." Alex nodded and sat down, looking at her while she was reading._

Xxx

"Do you really regret it?" Alex dared to ask her after a moment of silence. "Fell in love with me, I mean." His voice was a whisper and Addison felt bad for the words she said to him. But then she remembered how bad he talked to her too.

"No." she said quietly. "But you hurt me in the past. And you hurt me today and yesterday. I'm not the same person that you loved 20 years ago. And I don't know if I could trust you again. But I'm staying. That you like it or not and we have to work together. Plus, Dr Bailey told me that your asses are mine until I say otherwise. So congratulation, Karev."

"You can't do that." Alex frowned glaring at her.

"I'm your boss. And your boss' boss. So, yes, Alex, I can."

He tried so hard not to smile at her when she called him by his name.

"I'm glad that you're here." He shrugged.

"Do you?"

"Yeah, but don't flatter yourself now."

"We still have a lot to talk. And I can't promise you that I'll be nice."

"Me neither. I hate your family." Alex smirked and left the room. Only then, Addison allowed herself to smile.

xxx

**Do you like these flashbacks? Because I was thinking to ask you guys, to prompt me some words for the flashbacks. **

**Something like "Addison, cat." or "Alex, eating." or "Alex/Addison, walking." What do you think?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry for this hiatus but I was busy studying for an horrible exam! I hated it! Well now I'm here with a new chapter of this story that I consider like my little baby! I hope that you'll enjoy it!**

* * *

"Here. Drink this, Dr. Evil Spawn." Izzie handed to Alex a cup of coffee smiling sweetly.

"Thank you, Dr. Model." Alex replied tired. He just had a 24 hours shift and he was waiting with the others for rounds. Izzie sat down with him in the lobby near the Seattle Grace doors.

"You still are on She-Shepherd service?"

"Yeah until she'll say otherwise."

"It's like working with a ghost?"

"I think it is for her. You heard the story." Alex smirked not noticing the Shepherd's presence now near them reading on some labs.

"Why are you interested anyway?"

"Nothing in particular, I thought that you could use a friend, but now you'll be the Karev ass that you always are when someone asks you questions." She rambled standing up.

"Dude, what's the matter with you now? I didn't say anything yet." Alex tilted his head to one side looking straight at her. Then he smiled cockily. "Oh I get it. You like me. You so into me."

"That's not true!" Izzie squealed shocked. Addison's head snapped up from the papers that she was reading and looked at the two.

"It so is. You have a crush on me." Alex laughed satisfied and Izzie slapped his arm. "What do I have to do now?"

"You don't have to do anything."

"No, come on. Tell me. If you prefer we can go on an on-call room, have some sex before rounds…"

"Just shut up and forget about it." Izzie growled and slowly made her way towards the other interns, Alex quickly walked after her.

"C'mon, do you want to go out? You wear some nice, I pay for food.."

"Are you kidding me?"

"No, Iz. Do you want to go out with me?"

"What about Addison?"

"What about her?" Alex asked confused. Addison was there for Derek. Alex knew that she hates him. They were in the past. She was trying to save her marriage.

"You know…you have history together…"

"Iz. She hates me." He smirked sadly. "We're nothing more than intern and attending. So..do you want to go out with me?"

"Yeah. Yeah I'd like to."

"Are you two done with your talk?" Dr. Bailey asked loudly and Izzie and Alex looked quickly over her. "Karev you can skip rounds, the Chief wants to see you."

"What?Why?"

"I don't know, Karev. Just go." Alex nodded and left his fellow interns. Chief Webber was talking to Derek and Addison when Alex found him near his office.

"Karev." Richard greeted him and Addison smiled a little when she saw him.

"Dr. Bailey told me that you wanted to see me.." Alex crossed his arms against his chest after have winked to Addison.

"You took the Clinical Skills section of your medical exams after most interns," Webber lowered a little his voice. "so the results are only now coming out. I got a call from USMLE this morning."

Alex noticed the look on his boss' face and knew what was coming.

"So you're saying…"

"Karev, you're still an MD. You still get to practice medicine. The hospital grants you four months to retake the exam. You study it, you pass it, you put it behind you. One misstep doesn't affect your career."

"Right, thanks. Thanks. What happens if I take the exam for a second time and I don't pass?"

"You will no longer be a surgical resident at Seattle Grace. Failing again is not an option." After that, the Chief left and Alex could not do anything beside standing there looking at nothing in particular. He failed. And for him was like fail again in his life. When he felt someone standing beside him, Alex didn't say anything. He knew who was. Addison put an hand on his back, rubbing it slowly. Alex almost melted at the sensation. They were the only two now. Derek followed Richard to talk about a patient and some surgeries.

"I can see your father laughing at me. Telling you 'I told you' and crap like this."

"I don't talk to my father since years, Alex. You know that I don't have any relationship with him." Alex slowly turned to look at her. Staring intensely at her. He took a deep breath finding in that moment his Addison again.

Xxx

"_Do you have any plan for today? Something special maybe?" Addison asked hugging his__ 8 years old best friend._

"_What?"_

"_Your brother told me that it's your birthday."_

"_I'm gonna kill him." Alex muttered annoyed. _

"_You don't like birthday parties? Friends coming with presents, cakes, music, you know this kind of stuff. C'mon anyone loves it."_

"_It's just a day like others. There's nothing special in this day, Adds."_

"_But it's your birthday."_

"_Listen Addison. I've passed last birthday cleaning out my drunk dad. My parents never celebrated our birthdays, for us are just like other days if not worse, so no. I don't like parties, I never had a present. I never had a cake. The only cake that I eat is the one that you take me on Sunday evenings. I don't love my birthday. I just wish that I can go away for this day." He said to her in one breath. Alex looked into Addison's eyes and he knew that he overreacted, her eyes were watery._

"_I'm sorry Adds, it's not your fault but I'm so angry and I can't be angry with my mother for letting our dad treat us like this. I really am sorry."_

"_Shut up." Addison blurted out and took a piece of paper. She wrote something and then she handed it to him._

"_What's this?" Alex asked while he was taking it from her._

"_Just read it." She encouraged him with a smile. He cleared his voice and begin to read it out loud._

"_I promise to go away with you for all your birthdays. No parties, no cakes, no gifts. Just you and me. Happy birthday, Alex." Alex had to read all over again and the he looked at her smiling, almost grinning._

Xxx

"You're a decent guy, Alex. You always been. And I hate that my father changed it." She smiled a little and rested her hand on his right cheek. Alex swallowed not trying to think about what happened in the past.

"I don't hate you, Alex. I now get why you did it, but I'm angry. I just don't know if I am angry with you too." This time Alex smiled nodding slowly. He leaned forward and kissed her surprising them both. Addison kissed him back without thinking at all, slowly savoring the sensations that his lips were giving to her. Alex pulled back slowly.

"You were my everything, Addison. I never felt for someone like I felt for you. Leaving you killed me. This is why you can't see your Alex again now."

Addison didn't know what to think. She missed him a lot. She was broken for years because of him and Derek slowly helped her.

"I..you're out of my service for today." Alex nodded not quite satisfied with her words.

"Good luck with Derek." He smiled trying to not look hurt and then walked away.

"You were my everything too, Alex." He listened her say and that made his smile grow.

Xxx

"So..how come that Izzie came back home screaming that you were an ass last night? What did you do to her?" George asked him while they were treating an injured cop. Alex did take out Izzie for dinner but things didn't work out well. He always felt under some kind of exam and he hated it. But Alex have to admit that was a good night for him, he actually had a good time.

"You really didn't kiss her goodnight?" George was making fun of him and Alex was already pissed. Addison didn't ask for him that morning so he was stuck in the pit with O'Malley.

O'Malley.

"You got shot in the line of duty?" Alex asked to the cop while he and O'Malley was waiting for the elevator.

"First month on the job. Can you believe my luck? Guy pulls a gun and I freeze up. The rookie who let himself get shot. I'm never gonna live this down."

"Yeah, you will." Alex replied.

"You think?"

"Absolutely. I freeze up the first time that I saw my military uniform."

"You were in the Army?"

"U.S. Air Force."

George started to laugh without control and Alex throw to him a look that could kill.

"You were in the U.S. Air Force and you hadn't had the gut to kiss Izzie goodnight?"

"You didn't follow through?" the patient jumped in.

"Hey, I always follow through."

"You didn't last night." George started to laugh again.

"Dude, mind your own business, and.." but Alex couldn't finish his sentence because the elevator stopped and the lights went off.

"Dude..we're not moving."

"Really? You think?" George replied sarcastic. Alex resisted to the urge of throw O'Malley against the elevator door.

Xxx

"Doctor Webber?" Patricia knocked on the Chief's office door where he was in with Addison. He was trying to convince Addison to stay in Seattle.

"Patricia, how can I help you?"

"Two interns are stuck inside of the elevator with no electricity. They are with a patient who's been shot."

"Damn it."

"Breathe, Richard." Addison suggested putting away her glasses.

"Breathe?" Richard muttered standing up. The trio left the office to reach the elevator where Alex and George were.

"For what we know, lightning hit a substation. We're running on backup generators. One is down. Richard, breathe." Addison said quickly after have talked with dr Bailey to know what happened.

"The only means of transporting patients from the ER to the OR isn't working. Don't tell me to breathe. I'll breathe if I want to breathe." Addison rolled her eyes and she and Richard stopped in front of the elevator doors where some people were trying to open them.

"What did you two do?" Bailey asked to George and Alex.

"NOTHING." They yelled at the same time. Addison recognized Alex's voice and quickly go as near as she can.

"Good air in, bad air out." She said but more to Alex than to Richard. Alex looked over her, pleading her with his eyes to help him. He always hated little spaces. He wasn't claustrophobic, but this kind of places made pop up to his mind things that he didn't want to remember.

"How's the patient?" Burke asked kneeling down in front of the elevator.

"He's not looking so good." George answered. Alex and were still making eyes contact.

"What's his blood pressure?"

"It's not reading. He's too agitated."

"How's his pulse, Karev?" But Alex wasn't even listening, he was repeatedly muttering 'please' to Addison. He wanted to get the hell out of there.

Xxx

"_Hey Arch?" Alex heard a guy's voice says while he was in Archer's tree house. When Addison wasn't home, he always spent his time in that tree house for the most part reading some books._

"_Hey, I know you." That boy said to Alex after rising to the top. Alex remained silent. That boy was older than him. He was one of Archer's friends. A 16 years old football player. Alex was 12 years old and smaller than him. _

"_You're the kid of that drunkard man who always is at my uncle's bar." That boy smirked._

"_Hey guys, come here and look who's there! Karev's son." He called his friends that quickly reached him._

"_Hey dude." They grinned looking at Alex. "Your father made a lot of trouble to my uncle, you know that?"_

"_Dude, I'm sorry."_

"_What if you pay for him? What he's going to say if you come home with some bruises? It's like your father does too to anyone who try to put some sense in that drunkard's head." The first one stepped near Alex who didn't make a move to protect himself. He just stand there while they were beating the hell out of him until someone yelled to stop. That someone was Archer. He was mad and Alex never saw him like that. Archer got into a fight with his friends to help Alex who was too terrified to even walk away from the tree house. When everything was quite again, Archer kneeled down near Alex and took a good look to his face._

"_You need some stitches for sure, Alex."_

"_What happened?" Addison reached them and when she saw Alex like that she froze. Quickly she was near him__ and he smiled._

"_Why you didn't react?" Archer asked to him._

"_Addison doesn't want that I fight with other people."_

"_Alex." She jumped in but he shook his head._

"_You're helping me to be a good guy. Good guys don't beat other people." _

"_Let me take care of you, Alex. You, me and Archer are going to the hospital now."_

Xxx

"Karev!"

"Thready, but still there." Alex snapped from his trance.

"Do you have instruments?"

"A code box and gloves."

"You didn't bring an open chest tray?"

"No…we thought.." Alex looked up to Burke and for a moment he looked again to Addison.

"No time for excuses. Blood pressure."

"I can't hear a systolic over 50." This time was George. "He's gonna die." Alex simply looked over him, humiliated by Burke's words.

"Intubate him. I'll be right back."

"Dude, he can't leave us like that." Alex muttered. Minutes passed and Burke didn't come back yet. Alex was freaking out and George wasn't helping him.

At the third time that George asked "When's Burke coming back?" Alex snapped to him.

"Oh, would you just shut up, O'Malley?"

"Hey you two, stop it now." Burke told them quite angry. "This isn't gonna be too sterile, but we can still try." He handed to Alex the surgical instruments but he didn't take it. He was pale and he was sweating.

"Karev!" Burke raised his voice but Alex didn't move.

"Alex come on. Alex!" George yelled too taking from Burke the scalpel. "Ventilate." And that was Alex did while George was performing the surgery.

"Wow…I'm touching the aorta." George smiled satisfied and proud to Alex who just looked away.

"Dr Bailey we're done. O'Malley, you just flew solo."

"Thank you, sir."

Xxx

"Alex. Alex, wait." Izzie was following him but he simply walked straight until someone grabbed his arm to stop him.

"You okay?" Addison asked worried but he simply shook his head putting his hands on her hips.

"Please." Alex whispered kissing her. "Please Addison. Only for this time. Please."

"Alex, stop honey." She took his face in her hands drying his tears. "I can't. I can't cheat on Derek again. I really want to make things work with him." She kissed him once more and then she left.

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	6. Chapter 6

They didn't interact so much after their last kiss. They didn't interact at all, Addison corrected herself. Sadly, she might have to admit. How stupid she was! She called him 'Honey'. Addison sighed and shook her head trying to brush away those thoughts. She passed those last two weeks keeping an eye on Alex. She wanted to know how he really was now, so she observed him every time she could do it. Just like now in the cafeteria.

In these days Addison saw him a lot with Stevens, but she couldn't really tell if Alex was happy with her. That was an hard time for him for sure, he was studying hard for the exam that he needs to retake. Addison saw him distract, angry, nervous and she was fighting with herself to not go to him because this time she knew that probably she wasn't able to resist him. Because when he was so down, Addison could see her Alex, the one that she loved, the one she always dreamed a family with. Even if she was 18 years old when she started to think about them like a family…

Addison sighed again, tooking a sip from her coffee. Alex was joking with Izzie and Addison buried her face in her charts not really understanding why she was so jealous about him and Derek at the same time. She was cheating on Derek in this moment? Addison shifted uncomfortable on her seat when Derek sit down near her.

"You're a stalker, do you realize that, right?"

"I'm not..a stalker.." Addison protested with a shocked look on her face. "I'm just curious, you know…" she mumbled against her coffee.

"Did you two actually talk? Like talk talk…" Derek raised his eyebrows and looked at Addison first and at Alex then.

"Not really.." she shrugged. "I mean..he said everything that day. There's nothing more to talk about."

"Yeah…sure…" Derek didn't sound so convinced.

"Derek, it's fine. Okay, he's a ghost from the past but now it's like we're completely two strangers. We don't know each other anymore. Things are changed now. We got married…"

"We almost got divorced…"

"Yeah." Addison sighed and looked down at her hands.

"You two have history together, I don't believe you when you say that now you're two strangers…You loved each other..when you love someone it's hard to forget about all the things that you two did.." He looked over Meredith and Addison noticed it. She swallowed trying to hide the hurt and she closed her eyes to not let the tears fall down.

"I have some work to do, Derek. I'll see you later." And Addison left quickly not even letting Derek says his goodbye.

Xxx

_Addison began to stir after a good night of sleep.__ She opened slowly her eyes and hugged Alex more tightly, placing a little kiss on his chest._

"_Goodmorning, babe." He smiled already awake._

"_Mmmhh.."_

"_You're not a morning person, uh?" Alex chuckled softly and Addison lay on top of him resting again her cheek on his chest._

"_It's not that. I just want to stay here with you." She murmured closing again her eyes. "Last night was so perfect."_

"_I agree. It was." Alex nodded kissing the top of her head. _

"_I want to do it again." She kissed his chest again. "And again, and again.." she said while kissing his neck now._

"_Now? Because I can see your brother throw me out of that window if he hears that I'm in your room at this time of the morning…." He joked. Well..not at all._

"_He won't."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because I love you. And because you make me happy. It's all he wants for me, Alex." Addison smiled and a second later she kissed him on his lips this time._

"_I'm scared to hurt you."_

"_You won't."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because you love me. And because you're a good guy." She reassured him smiling more faintly this time. "So..do you want to make love with me for the second time?" She asked him blushing and hopeful._

"_I'd love to, but…I don't have anymore..uhm condoms.." Alex cleared his voice. "So..unless you don't want to get pregnant..I think that we have to wait until I'll buy some more."_

"_I want." She said bluntly. He grew pale. "I mean. One day I want..to..you know, have kids." She stammered. "With you, I mean." _

_Alex remained silent. That was something that a 16 years old doesn't listen every day. Especially someone like him._

"_I'm sorry. I didn't have said those things. We're young, I know, and.." Alex stopped her putting a fingers on her lips._

"_Breathe, Adds." He gave her a nervous smile. "Don't you think that it's a bit early to speak about this?"_

"_Yeah, I'm sorry Alex." She laughed a little hiding her face in his chest._

"_It's nice though." He said some minutes later. Minutes that he passed thinking about her words._

"_What?"_

"_Dreaming about have a family with you. I don't know how things are going to be between us. I'm pretty sure that I'm going to screw this up. It's so me. But I thought that those kind of things could freak me out with all the family issues that I have. And a little it freaks me out, but not so much to not think about your words. And I don't think that I could love someone else like I love you. I didn't before you, so I don't think that I will after you. So..I like to think about a future together. It makes me feel safe, it makes me feel part of something really important."_

"_You really love me." Addison whispered smiling._

"_I really do. I don't want to make promise that I can't keep, but I can promise you that I want to have a future with you until you want me."_

Xxx

Addison was standing at the nurses' station when she saw Stevens approach one of the nurse standing there near her. She could tell that the blonde doctor was pretty pissed at the red haired nurse. Addison contemplate the idea of mind her own business, but she was curious.

"Listen, I didn't know that you two were together…I just.." the nurse began to explain, but Izzie had a dead look on her face.

"You just what? Screwed my boyfriend?" Izzie fired back and Addison stopped her work.

"If I knew that you and Alex were together, yes, I wouldn't have slept with him."

"Unbelievable."

"We lost a patient and he was down for other reasons and I didn't know that you two were together.."

Addison left the two and they didn't notice her, too much busy with their fight. After have asked around the hospital, she found Alex asleep on a stretcher.

"Wake up." Addison ordered, hitting Alex's forehead.

"Ouch.." he frown opening his eyes.

"This is how you study?" She was standing in front of him with her hands on her hips.

"What's your problem, woman?"

"It's Montgomery-Shepherd, Karev."

Alex simply rolled his eyes and rose in a sitting position. Addison sighed and sat down near him, taking his book in her hands.

"What happened? Why you're looking for me?" He asked her rubbing his eyes.

"I.." she stammered not really sure if she should tell him about what she listened before.

"I'm sorry." Alex told her after a while. He was looking intensely at her.

"For what? I'm not the one you cheated on.."

"I'm sorry for what happened almost 20 years ago. I really am sorry, Addison."

"Alex.."

"I always thought about you in these years. I missed you so much, Adds. Really. I know that I can't change the past, but, please, try to forgive me, because even if I have you in front of me…I still miss you." His voice became full of emotions, full of regrets and she couldn't ignore it.

"I met Derek six months after you left me. I was walking around like some kind of zombie. And then I met him and Mark, his best friend. The guy who I slept with while I was married to Derek." She gave him a nervous smile and Alex nodded. He thought that was a good thing she was doing now. She was talking to him like they always did in the past.

"Derek and I became more focused on our careers, more lazy to even fight…and he became distant. He began to forget our anniversary, he began to come home late.. And I was feeling lonely. Mark was always there with me. He was really a great friend. I don't know how happened but that night…I just.." Addison shook her head before speak again.

"He was there, I was feeling lonely and I slept with him. Derek saw us. He saw what we were doing and..and he just left." Alex took her hands trying to comfort her now that she was crying.

"When he came back, he took my clothes and threw them out of the door. He then locked me out of the house under the rain. I was crying, I was telling him how sorry I was but..he left me again. I spent the whole night alone in our house, crying. That night I lost another important person in my life. It was..It still hurts because I know that everything isn't going to be like it was in the past."

"I just don't get why you're still around someone who clearly is in love with another woman. It's not you, Adds."

"He's my husband, Alex. I still love him."

"But he doesn't deserve you. Listen, Adds. He didn't fight for you. He left you."

"You too.."

"I already told you what happened. And we weren't married."

"That doesn't hurt less, Alex."

"I know but I can't change it. Damn, stop crying." He hissed angry at himself, angry for the past. "Stop it, Adds. Please." Alex was now an inch away from her lips, his forehead against hers. "I really wish I could change everything. I broke you, and I can do nothing to make you feel better. But let me say this: try as you want to save your marriage, but when you'll have to admit that your lovely husband is a freaking ass, please find the will to leave him for good. You deserve to be happy and clearly he's not going to forgive you soon."

"You're mean."

"I'm right. You know that. Addison, someone who loves you…honestly babe..if he really loved you he wouldn't have left you."

"Alex, you did it. Damn you. You left me. And you always told me how much you were in love with me." She tried to escape from him but Alex didn't let her go.

"How many time I have to say that I hadn't choice, Addison? Because I'll say it until you'll understand it. You have no clue about what happened between your father and me. So you don't have the right to make me feel a crap more than I'm already feeling. So stop it. Don't compare how I left you with how your husband left you."

"I should talk to the Captain."

"Yes, you should." Alex nodded and then, without really think, he kissed her forehead. "You know that I tell the truth. Maybe I'm a pig, maybe I'm an ass, but I tell the truth and this is the only right thing that I have."

"It's not the only one.." Addison whispered. "Do you need some help?" she pointed to his textbooks.

"No, go and try to make your husband fall again for you." He nodded toward the door. "Go, Adds."

"It's Montgomery-Shepherd for you, Karev.." she rolled her eyes and after a quick smile she walked away.

"Yeah..whatever." Alex murmured going back to study.

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	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys! It has been a while since I updated this story. I'm so sorry..College and other stuff stolen my time. **

**There's a new chapter, tough, and I really hope that you'll like it!**

**I'll update soon, I promise!**

* * *

Why he was thinking about the conversation with Addison?

She made clear that she wanted her husband back. Truth was that he couldn't lie. Not even to himself.

And he was really hoping to have his Addison back. But..does she want the same? Maybe he could try to make her jealous? That thought came up in his mind when he saw Izzie walk toward him. But he already hurt her and he have to admit that he liked her a little.

"You're supposed to study for that test, doctor Idiot."

"I know.. I was just thinking.."

"Oh, you do? I thought that you had no brain.."

Alex sighed. He knew that he deserved to be treated like this.

"Iz, listen, I'm sorry okay?" When she made a noise but said nothing he went on.

"I'm not the kind of guy who does date this kind of stuff. I had only a girl who I was committed to and it didn't end well. I'm a messed up. But I didn't mean to hurt you. It's true."

"What do you want from me?"

"A second chance."

"A second chance with me or with Dr Montgomery?"

"She's trying to have her husband back, I already told you."

"Yeah, I know that, but.. I can't ignore the chemistry that you two have…" but Alex stopped her rant.

"It's just friendship. No, we don't even have a friendship. I don't know what it is. I only know that she's her for Shep.. So…"

"So.."

"Wanna go out with me again?"

"Pick me at 7, now study."

Izzie gave him a little peck on his lips and the left him, smiling. Alex looked after her and then drove his attention back on his textbooks.

Xxx

"Ugh, Derek. I hate this trailer!" Addison said frustrated. She was missing her hotel room already.

"It' like the 10th time that you yell that you hate it."

"Derek.."

"Compromise. Remember? It was your idea." He kissed her cheek smiling and then he handed her a cup of coffee. They were making small progresses, but at least was something.

When they were alone they were Derek and Addison again…but at the hospital he was always working with that Grey girl..And in addition, Alex was always with Stevens or studying. Not she was jealous, she reminded to herself, but she felt the need to ask him how he was doing. And when Stevens was with him, she didn't feel confortable.

"So..You're having lunch with The Captain today?"

"Yes, I need to talk to him about something really important."

Xxx

"_Hi, Adds. Everything's good?" Derek tapped her shoulder to call her from behind. "It's good to see you outside classes."_

"_Sorry, I was busy with family stuff, so.." she gave him a little smile and then handed him his book. "It really helped me."_

"_Nice to hear it. Have you thought about my question? You and me going out?"_

"_Yes," Addison nodded. "Yes, I did."_

"_And? It's just a coffee to know each other a little more."_

"_It's okay for me."_

"_Sure?", Derek's eyes were looking into hers and his smile became even more big and hopeful._

"_Sure."_

"_I'll be at your room at 5 o' clock."_

"_See you later, Derek." She smiled again and he kissed her cheek before he left. Only then she allowed herself to sigh and look up at the sky._

"_I miss you, Alex. So much."_

Xxx

"What the fuck he's doing here?" Alex growled when he saw The Captain talking with Addison in the cafeteria.

"Who?", Izzie asked him.

"No one." He stormed away before The Captain could saw him. Izzie was following him.

"What's going on, Alex?"

"Just saw someone that I really hate." He speed up his walk leaving his girlfriend, or whatever she was for him.

"Dr Karev," the Chief called after him and only then Alex stopped his run.

"Are you ready for your exam?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Good, because your examiner is already here. It's better for you if you'll not be late."

"It's not going to happen, Chief."

"Really good. See you at my office in a few."

When Alex knocked on the Chief's office door, a bad – really bad – feeling overwhelmed him.

"Dr Karev, come in. He's Dr Montgomery and he's your examiner."

'Oh, no.' Alex thought. 'Seriously?'

"Dr Karev, nice to meet you…again…" The Captain said to him with an evil smile.

'Dude, I'm so screwed..'

Xxx

"Hi." Addison said to Alex after she stepped into the elevator where he already was.

"Dr Montgomery-Shepherd." He nod to her. She smiled, but he didn't.

"Your test was today, right? How was it?"

"Since your father was my examiner, I think that it's better if I go to clean my locker." He shrugged, pretending not to care.

"Don't be silly. If you did it good, you don't have to worry."

"Whatever."

"I've talked to him at lunch. You really don't have to worry, he's over the past."

"And you?"

"What?" The readhead asked in surprise.

"Are you over the past?" he moved closer to her. So close that he could feel her breath against his face. Izzie no longer in his mind.

"Are you over the past? Did you forgive me now that you've talked to him?"

Addison looked at him for something like forever.

"I forgive you, but that doesn't change our reality."

"For me it changes everything. You don't hate me anymore."

"That's not true."

"I know you. You don't hate me." This time Alex smiled at her.

"Goodnight Dr Karev." Addison excused herself and stepped out the elevator. Derek already there, waiting for her.

"Goodnight Adds." He sighed and then texted to Izzie to let her know that he was going to pick her up for a drink at Joe's. He needed to drink and have sex for not thinking at Addison going home with her husband.

Xxx

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